So queer

So I've been home for a couple of days now, sipping eggnog, eating cookies, watching the Home and Garden TV channel on basic cable. I know what you're thinking...but save it for now. For those who aren't in the know, HGTV is what happens when Martha can't stay up 24 hours a day to entertain you with her table setting skills and home baked Christmas ornament extravaganzas; somebody has to take up the slack. Personally, I alternate between HGTV and Animal Planet to watch monkeys go at it...while reviewing for the USMLE. Isn't life rich?

HGTV has been even more interesting since I last watched TV (about 3 months ago). I don't know who they think their target demographic is, but pairing programming about how to coordinate draperies and wall color with techno beats is just deliciously subversive. So much so that I had to tell myself several times while watching a kitchen redo in an idyllic suburban home that behind the sound stage is not the 'Ramrod' on Oxford Street, and indeed, half-naked go go boys are not about to burst onto the screen to show me how to faux finish my rustic chicken-wire fence.

Are they *that* attuned to the fact that only straight women and gay men watch this channel? And if so, are straight women really enticed by rhythmic techno bass beats and the scintillating repetition of synthesizers? Who the hell cares, I know, but it's quite funny to view even HGTV's more 'manly' shows with hyper-buffed carpenters rebuilding a barn through the lens of a leather bar musical experience. Surely, suburban housewives are getting a kick out of this, even if they don't realize it. And the gays, who can forget the gays...

Cascada and decoupage? What could be better!

Pathological Liars

There are certain kinds of duplicities that I can understand; the closet, for example, is one of them. I've been guilty of this, and while it lasted it was not pretty. Nonetheless, I'm out of it, and am so glad to have done so. Having gone through the process, I empathize with those who come out and feel the need to reinvent themselves, usually in an effort to be more true to who they are on the inside. What I don't understand, though, is the attempt to hide an entire part of one's past in the process of self reinvention. Of course, this is largely futile because the truth always comes out, especially in a closed universe such as college where everyone has overlapping circles of friends.

Aggravating is the fact that the attempt is directed at me. Aside from insulting my intelligence, this person has demonstrated to me that he is immature and idiotic to boot. And to think, I've been nothing but kind and civil in the past. He and I joined the same singing group, but due to circumstances, he didn't have a good time. Regardless, I'd like to think that a mark of maturity is the ability to separate the person from the circumstance and maintain civility. On both counts, he has failed miserably. I suppose I could have seen this coming; I have learned how this man treated other people in the group, acting like a spoiled brat most of the time while lying through his teeth for all of the rest.

The whole world knows this man is gay. I hope he realizes that, and also realizes that no one gives half a rat's ass. Despite this, he tries to hide/deny any association he has had with the singing group or people associated with it in the past, going as far as ignoring facebook-friend requests and casual eye contact on the street. For him to think that he can openly date a good friend of mine now but still carry on ignoring me is rather juvenile. While I can empathize with this man's desire to wipe the plate, hide the skeletons, and paint himself a new gay face, it's stupid to do so by blithely denying any association with people who knew him from before. That's not coming out--that's just fucked up.

Deep down, I fear for my good friend and dread his ability to always find the most duplicitous of drama queens to carry on relationships. This kid, in particular, is just bad news. I don't care how much he wants to reinvent himself; he can dress up shit with nice clothes and mask the stench with perfume, but at the end of the day, it's still shit.

when lecturers try too hard

A recent jewel of usage in my lecture notes reads:
"In contradistinction to the localized forms of scleroderma....etc"

Um, how about 'in contrast to' . I know, it doesn't quite compare to the quasi-intellectual ring of 'contradistinction', but it's a better companion to the rather plebian text, riddled with ill-conceived modifiers and utterly lacking in niceties such as subject-verb agreements. I've been reading too many horrible examples of writing so far in the medical literature. At first, that was funny; now, it's just irritating.

wallet biopsy

So err, I'm very embarassed to admit that I've spent, to date, over 1000 dollars for this USMLE step 1 board exam business. 470 dollars to sign up for the exam, and close to 800 dollars worth of review material. I suppose it is rather sad that one would need to buy comprehensive review books when arguably medical school is supposed to teach all this material in a comprehensive way. However, it is a fact of life that school curricula (specifically at this school) are blissfully ignorant of the type of material and presentation that is on the USMLE. To put it another way, as a friend recently confesses, my knowledge base is more like a disparate series of wooden rafts bound together with twist ties, and life thus far at this medical school has been spent jumping from raft to raft, adequate enough to avoid drowning, but not good as a base for anything substantial. To be fair, many classes here are taught remarkably well and are comprehensive. But it's a pity that those courses are in topics that are considered minor on the USMLE, otherwise know as 'low yield'. The truth is, there is simply too much basic scientific material to be presented, and while a broad knowledge base is the aim, the result is often spotty coverage. To be really thorough, this process of basic science education would probably take 4 years, if not more. The content based exam, alas, tries to ensure some kind of uniformity in medical graduates, and that is a commendable goal. That still doesn't make studying for it any easier. Or cheaper.

some technical stuff

This page is best view with Firefox 6.o. You will need macromedia flash version 8.0 at least to hear the audio player. look in my 'links' section on the right for the download. thanks :)

musical jetset

I'm not sure if anybody actually listens to the music player (to your right, yes right there, you can scroll through it with your mouse--it's like and Ipod shuffle, refresh the page if it doesn't work right or seem to go forward no further), or it's just me, but I rather like my portable music collection. The last one was jazzy, snazzy, and rather classy in a hotel lounge sort of way;) This next one may appear disjointed, but fear not. I sifted through various personally nostalgia-inducing musical numbers out there and have gathered here those that to me carry a sense of place, a kind of mood, a marker for memory. This is my audio eau-de-toilette, if you will, a whiff of songs to remind me of places/events/experiences I've sampled throughout the years. From Tokyo lounge to Shinto shrine, to semi-authentic South African beats reminiscent of morning Safaris, to Fado, to Latin clubs, to Bollywood, to Middle Eastern fusion, to East Asian rock, or to American classics, the music will linger in dainty Paris, get lost in old Indochine, dabble in Tuscan flair, meander through a rainy London, bask in the Bermudan sun, dine in New York, and land at Hollywood's version of Bostonian life.

So go ahead, leave it on like you would a radio station. After about 20 songs or so, it will stop, and just refresh the page and a new set of songs can be played. Have a listen, fast forward through what you don't like, and stay awhile. Happy travels:)

And oh yes, there's Christmas somewhere in the mix. 'Tis the season and all, you know.

Fate? hmmm

I have recently developed a love for boiled cabbages.
Mike should be very happy. This is meant to be.

Think about it;)

Family Matters

I, for one, am happy for Mary Cheney and Heather Poe, her partner of 15 years, who are expecting a baby girl! The 'base' is none too happy about this, of course. They invoke a lot of biology in their pseudointellectual attacks, and since I privy myself a biologist, I figure I'd take a stab at their questions here. A telling excerpt from the social conservative right, and my responses:

"1. How did the exclusive sexual union of these two women bring about this conception?"
It's basically a turkey baster. and a sperm donor. The donor could be unrelated to the couple, or could have come from, in this case, Heather's family, to confer the child with biological relatedness to both Mary Cheney (who is carrying and we are assuming the egg donor) and Heather Poe.

"2. What does it mean, from a biological nature to realize that a man WAS in fact necessary for this conception to take place?"
It means exactly that genes are needed from different sex parents in order for successful conception to take place. By the way, it is stupid to gleam morality tales from biological facts (infanticide is practiced all over the animal world, should we do it too whenever there's a famine?). This fact, in otherwords, is amoral, and dictate nothing about moral behavior, or the moral worth of the child. However, it does say plenty about the deep drive to have children and raise families, regardless of orientation, and the general desire of humans to use technology to overcome biology for human ends. That is significant.

3. What does it mean to the supposed "intimacy" that "two people share" which was intended by the Creator to be a function that creates life, to be forced to include a third party?
Intimacy is relative, and so is religion. As for the third party issue, infertile hetersexual couples are 'forced' to consider this option too if they want to be biologically related to their child. This is part of the human (social/biological/both?) instinct to share genes with one's progeny. Sure, one can argue that this instinct needs to be abolished in contemporary society, and I'd entertain that notion, but for the time being, gay couples and infertile couples have similar biological obstacles, and gut wrenching choices still need to be made.

4. Doesn't it make a rather strong statement that biologically speaking, the sexual union these two women share - is in fact, scientifically speaking - inadequate?
Sure, it does. But our society's treatment of people should not be based on their supposed evolutionary worth. I refer to Hitler and the eugenics movement. To muse on the biological meaning of infertility or sexual orientation or genetic mutants within the human germ line is one thing, but to talk about whether these people deserve their dignity as human beings is an entirely separate, and more relevant, issue. I suggest a reading of the US constitution as a starter.

5. Is it healthy for a society to celebrate inadequate sexual unions that lead to everything except what it was designed to be?
Good question. Is it healthy for a society to at least respect all infertile couples' struggle to follow their instincts to build families, as we have already done for infertile heterosexual couples? Isn't it healthy for society to allow people who have disabilities or genetic defects or anything else that causes them to fall short of biological human 'norms to live free of stigma, prejudice, and discrimination?

6. Knowing from scientific data that children excel best when given the full and natural parental structure of one mother and one father, is it moral to bring a child into such a scenario - purposefully, simply to stroke one's own desire to have a child - sort of like a new handbag, or pair of shoes?
First of all, what data? Second of all, well referenced studies have found that children with 2 gay parents do as well as children in straight 2 parent homes. (see/search Ellen C. Perrin, MD.-Tufts). But the moral question is a different matter; is it 'moral' for children to be raised in 1 parent homes? With their relatives instead of their biological parents? In foster care/adoption? Such a hypothesis of morality ignores and belittles actual human conditions that often fall far short of idealized norms. And yes, having a child should be a purposeful decision; that's not debatable. Finally, is it ever apt to compare the overwhelming biological and social drives to have children with the desire to buy a pair of shoes? Now that is an immoral and incoherent analogy.

Nostalgia: Hiro-o

Finally, the Office of Student Affairs had something I wanted to read. Ignoring the piles of useful but depressing fliers--gems like 'Pass your boards with Kaplan review!’ or 'Join the Army Corp! Free medical tuition!'--as I looked for something to pass the time while the secretary was away, I instinctively grabbed at a sliver of red poking through, finding something most gloriously unexpected. "Study Abroad Opportunities". I flipped through the glossy pages, mumbling to myself happy thoughts about a simpler, more decadent time (read: college). I'm sure something like this had been misplaced. It should be in the Dental school's office, at least these people have time to spare. Whose cruel joke is this, flaunting and taunting med students with words like 'leisure', 'introspection', and 'humanity'?

Whatever. I'll take any bit of escapism I can get. The brochure is pretty standard, offering chances for college credit at Beijing U. or language immersion classes in Florence. Been there. Loved it. Next.

And then I found the ad for Tokyo. The content I skimmed right past, but the pictures--this was my photo montage. There they were: the Hiro-o stop on the Silver line. Japanese schoolgirls in uniform knee-high socks, smiling with funky hair and peace signs posing for the camera. Ropongi at night, with glitzy lights and a million people rushing across its streets. A steaming bowl of Udon. I know, these are all standard commercial images some underpaid intern probably found on the Internet and slapped together for the study-abroad office. Still, they brought back memories of my home stays in Hiro-o, gregarious British and American ex-pats who host us year after year, sponsoring bbq parties at the Harvard Club and black tie events in 100+ degree weather at 99% humidity. I remember the confusion and panic that accompanied the end of every performance, the onslaught of Japanese high school students storming the lobby to purchase our overpriced wares. I tried to answer their questions while furiously scribbling my signature on napkins and shirts and CD jackets, smiling, nodding, posing for pictures, overwhelmed by it all. And then there was Ropongi, the party district, decked out in nightclubs and chocked full of hip harajuku girls ignoring cat calls from what seemed like roving packs of American frat boys, drunk and obnoxious. Giants ads were everywhere: Suntory Whisky, Tom Cruise promoting shampoo, 24 hour game arcades. Jamaican hustlers who lined the sidewalks of Ropongi, greeted all who walked passed them in every language imaginable, beckoning for customers, often succeeding with Americans and fanny pack-wearing Russian tourists. In the middle of all this sensory over- stimulation, quiet moments were rare and special. But they could be found, like the calming sound of trickling water in the gardens of Shinto shrines, so many of them tucked away behind narrow streets around Hiro-o. Beautiful solitary spaces these were, with immaculately kept bonsai landscapes and air that tasted of incense. I miss it all, especially those steaming bowls of Udon with shrimp tempura in rich dark broth, ‘student food’ for 500 yen (5 dollars), dirt cheap compared to any other meal to be had in Tokyo. This city was an amazing, perplexing place.
If only Mike could see it the way I saw it. If only we had the time and money to go. If only...