it's not all about studying

Social life is really hit or miss here, particularly for me. Harvard, being a hop and skip away, is where I spend most weekends with my boyfriend. But there are moments that beckon my presence, like the gay Christmas get-together with other doctors and med/dental students that any self-respecting homo would dare not miss. In my case, my exposure to gay-anything was new and exciting, a mixture of homecoming and coming-out, all for a bit of holiday fun.

We met at Laurel near Back Bay Station, and unlike usual, I was 10 minutes early. The hostess informed me that they were still setting our table, so I was free to sit by the bar and talk to the only other member of our party that was coincidentally extra punctual. His name was John, a tall brunette with a dimpled smile and piercing green eyes. I noticed him before; he smiled at me as I walked in. We talked. I ordered a diet coke; he ordered a scotch on the rocks. Within five minutes of conversation, I realized that I was in over my head. He was hitting on me, and I was flirting back. Badly. I’m not used to being hit on, much less do something about it. He had that look in his eyes, the kind that my boyfriend had (still does) when we first met that was electrifying, only this time it was one I didn't quite catch until it was too late to stop talking. It felt extra bad because we both have boyfriends. While his was slightly late, mine was faithfully typing away at a computer somewhere in the basement of the Science Center. When we finally got up, the bartender “assumed” we only wanted 1 bill.

We sat at opposite ends of the long, queer table. For the entire dinner, everytime I looked up I'd catch his eyes smiling at me, in full view of his boyfriend blabbering on about his workday with patients. I felt guilty, intrigued…more guilty as the night wore on. Before we left he made a point to shake my hand. I, meanwhile, awkwardly introduced myself to his boyfriend, who appeared oblivious to everything but the exhaustion evident on his face. He's a second year dental student, and works long hours. John said he'd offer me his card, but he doesn't have any on him without an expired email address (sure). I didn't offer mine. I faked a laugh and bid him good luck with his job. He promised we would definitely run into each other in the future. I know I'm not holding my breath.

My brief foray into the dating game has taught me this much: the game sucks. Even at this stage where my social life consists of ties with college and tentative relationships with the real world, I can't say I am ready to re-enter the dating pool as an 'adult'. More importantly though, I don't need to. Temptation is ever present, but stability and love is what I have. As a wiseman once said, " It don't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home." Amen.