That KV thing

Is there life after national (scratch that, international) humiliation?

I'm clearly late to the media table, but just in time to "internalize" the word schadenfreude, adding it to the vocab list I have always promised myself I'd learn before taking the SAT, exiting Harvard, or anytime thereafter. I will admit, I have had my share of emails to friends commenting on this bruhahah, in part gleefully, with a sprinkle of morbid fascination thinly veiled as an attraction to 'literary news'. Like many, my attraction to this story began with a mixture of admiration and envy of the girl before news of plagiarism broke, when the superstar landed at Harvard, and after the story broke with a mixture of shock, amusement, disgust, and finally, dissapointment. Now, I'm even beginning to feel sympathy (Salman Rushdie's admonition is the latest low; surely no one deserves that much wrist slapping). Pure, unadulterated, exasperated, sympathy. That is, until a nonHarvard friend rightfully pointed out the most obvious spin that will make everybody happy:

"How Kaavya Viswanathan Got Sorry, Got Redeemed, and Got a New Life"

Yes, in perhaps much more clever wordings and stylish fonts, KV will write a book documenting her fall from grace and her journey back into respectability, complete with bits of Prada studded Hallmark moments thrown in, because we all really, deep down, love that kind of prose. Speaking of love, everybody loves a sinner, but Americans worship sinners who repent publicly, and on occasions have made said sinner President (Dubya), or buy his book (Clinton, anyone?). For old times' sake, Alloy Entertainment will again 'package' her book, providing help for those tricky plot points and those bits of character development that are best left to the 'pros'. Even a nonfiction (one can only hope it's nonfiction, ala James Frey) needs a good born-again plot. Little, Brown will publish it, her agents will rave, and she will be on Oprah's couch recounting the trauma and lessons of a hard public life two years from now. Oprah, America's populous patron saint, will grant KV ultimate amnesty and millions in readership. Even better, I doubt there will be new charges of plagiarism. Afterall, redemption is the most plagiarized, hackneyed concept in the world; it's practically vetting-proof. Again, unless she's another James Frey...but that's a can of worms we won't go into.

At least this is what I would do. Lemons make lemonade. The world goes on. And this saga is not over if KV is as smart as she looks. There's spunk in her yet--I trust Harvard will bring that out of her, sooner or later. Can you smell a college speaking tour about the dangers of "internalization"? I sure can, along with her agents, I'm sure. In the meantime, I do hope to run into her at some point and maybe get an autograph. I may not be able to meet John Updike, but KV is within reach. And a celebrity on campus will always be a celebrity.

Oh and, in case someone else out there has already thought of this last contorted twist to the KV story, all I have to say is, "I'm sorry for internalizing your work. Really."